Category: Apocalyptic Living

5 Apocalyptic Lessons From Halo: Reach

Posted on by tavia.

Halo: Reach, the final installment-prequel in the Halo series by Bungie, chronicled the initial invasion and downfall of the human race on the planet Reach to the Covenant.

The planet Reach is humanity’s last line of defense between the encroaching Covenant and their ultimate goal, the destruction of Earth. If it falls, humanity will be pushed to the brink of destruction.

source

Known for it’s fairly short campaign mode and extensive multiplayer offerings, Halo: Reach is a perfect way to learn a few apocalypse life lessons. Continue reading “5 Apocalyptic Lessons From Halo: Reach”

You could win a survival shelter!

Posted on by anninyn

And all you’ll have to do is go on a reality show. Spike TV are teaming up with Vivos Shelters  (who are basically a real-life, modern Vault-Tec, hopefully without the creepy experiments) for a new survivalist reality show. If you and your family are preparing for any kind of global disaster, and have always wanted a shelter of your very own, this is an excellent opportunity for you.

Continue reading “You could win a survival shelter!”

Nothing is useless (except learning Klingon)

Posted on by anninyn

Studying a humanities degree adds almost nothing to your post apocalyptic survival chances.

An appreciation of poetry, understanding dissent in terms of music or achitecture, or plans to take it into English later on, do absolutely nothing to defend you against psychotic robots. Also not great, is the way that studying as an adult student takes away time and resources from obsessive planning. £700 of money that could have gone to buying a gasmask and filters spent on furthering my education! 15 hours a week that could be spent on practicing how to get out of the house quick gone on learning about Pugin!

However, I am a big believer that nearly ANYTHING can be manipulated into working for you post apocalypse (yes, even you, you socially-awkward, self-righteous neckbeard; post apocalypse you may actually be as important as you pretend you are!)

It’s just knowing how to swing it.

Continue reading “Nothing is useless (except learning Klingon)”

Post-apocalyptic communications

Posted on by char

I’ve been having Internet problems lately. Basically, my router is rebelling and refuses to connect me to my addiction the interwebs. (The robot uprising, it is starting. Maybe.)

All of this lovely yelling at my router (in child-friendly terms, which means that my router is usually a fudge-y piece of spaghetti, occasionally the son of a blimp, and sometimes other equally ridiculous things) had me thinking about communications in the post apocalypse.

Because, you know, I depend on the Internet for communication. I mean, without the Internet, I never would’ve become friends with two women I’ve never met and have never even spoken to. And if THAT hadn’t happened, believe me when I say that the world would be a less entertaining place.

Continue reading “Post-apocalyptic communications”

Lazy Survival

Posted on by tavia.

Hi,

I’m writing this from my couch. My couch is where I sit when I get home from work. Work is where I sit all day and do tasks via conversation or computer between trolling the internet for comics and accessories and taking coffee brakes.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I live a lazy life. I can exercise, but I don’t really — I only run to a) find out what’s happening in Zombies, Run! or b) because I feel guilty and worry about atrophy.

Being the lazy loaf that I am does not mean I’ll die in the apocalypse. On the contrary, I means I’m more likely to be in my home safe from harm because I don’t go out much and then die after the apocalypse because I don’t know how to care for myself and can’t run up stairs.

However, today I realized something: You don’t need to die because you’re too lazy to run for your life, you just need to know what the alternative is to both running AND dying. (It’s hiding.)

I’ve come up with some strategies that can help you in your lazy or cowardice survial efforts. Continue reading “Lazy Survival”

Post-Apocalyptic Beauty Ideals

Posted on by Safety and Survival Council

Maybe youll be pretty after the apocalypse…

It’s hard to say.

Society often defines beauty by what it finds important or aspirational at the time. Should women look serene because they don’t have to work hard, strong to evidence her ability to preserver, fertile indicating they can convive and bear children, or maybe like expensive acquisitions?

Today an attractive woman by general, societal standards is hardly the first person anyone would choose to be part of their post apocalyptic band of survivors. Shit, most of the women on magazine covers and starring in CW shows wouldn’t even make durable sex slaves for longer than a few days. It would be a waste of a raiding party to go out and grab some flimsy-ass women who’ll last less time than the hunt.

Continue reading “Post-Apocalyptic Beauty Ideals”

I'd like my microchip now, please.

Posted on by tavia.

Mind control microchips are a fun thing to fear and speculate on. Well, for me. I’m kind of a scatterbrained-forgets-a-lot. I often mean to do things then hours (or seconds) pass and the thing is not only not done but also an annoying ghost of a memory. I lose all the scraps of paper I make notes on; I set reminders on my phone a leave it in another room; and, I have a dozen half finished projects I don’t know how to keep track of. I need a microchip. In my brain. Continue reading “I'd like my microchip now, please.”

Dealing with post-apocalyptic people you don't like

Posted on by char

There are always going to be people you don’t like. Sometimes it’s that annoying dude at work who always sucks up to the boss; sometimes it’s your annoying Great-aunt Edna. Sometimes it’s both. Regardless, they’re people who annoy you. Now, in the pre-apocalypse, it doesn’t matter; not in the grand scheme of things.

Oh sure, that suck-up is irritating and will probably get that promotion you’ve been aiming for, and sure Great-aunt Edna always gives you that annoying and embarrassing kiss that leaves the lipstick stain on your cheek. But ultimately, you don’t have to rely on either of them to survive.

Unfortunately, in the post-apocalypse, you will. You’re going to have to work with people who annoy you then just as you do now–only “work” will have a different connotation.

Continue reading “Dealing with post-apocalyptic people you don't like”

Keeping the (post-apocalyptic) romance alive

Posted on by char

With Valentine’s Day being last week and my post about the Love Machine app going up last Wednesday, I’ve been thinking about love and romance and relationships and all that other sappy stuff. And seriously, it’s hard enough keeping up with the romance now, in the pre-apocalypse, when we still have Hallmark and Godiva chocolates for those moments when we screw up.

It’s going to be really hard in the post apocalypse, when we won’t have any of those romantic crutches to help us out. So what are we to do?

I’m going to move forward from here assuming that you’ve already covered the basics. That is, you’ve found a love interest, you’ve gone on your first date, and you’re maintaining a healthy relationship. If you’re not doing these things, then this post can’t really help you, because chances are you don’t have a romance to keep alive. (Of course, I could be wrong, but that’s the general assumption.)

Continue reading “Keeping the (post-apocalyptic) romance alive”