Nailing the Apocalypse: Practical Nails and Ten DIY Designs for the End Times

At the end of the world, your hands are your most important tools, and your nails are the part of them that breaks first. They will be prying open cans, untying wet knots, scraping labels off unmarked jars and digging grit out of wounds. So this post starts with keeping your nails useful, and only then gets to making them look like a dystopian art project, which is the fun part.

Practical nails first

  • Keep them short. Short nails tear less, trap less dirt and get in the way of fewer tasks. Long nails are a liability when you are climbing or working with rope.
  • Keep them clean. Dirt under the nails carries bacteria into every cut you touch and every meal you make. A stiff brush and soap is a hygiene tool, not a luxury.
  • File, don’t bite or rip. A torn nail can split down into the nail bed, and an infected finger is a serious problem when there is no urgent care. A metal or glass nail file is light, cheap and lasts for years.
  • Moisturize your cuticles. Cracked cuticles are open doors for infection. Any plain oil or balm will do.
  • Polish has a shelf life. Once opened, most polish thickens and separates within a year or two. Store it upright, cool and tightly capped, and keep remover away from open flame, because acetone is extremely flammable.

A layer of polish actually helps here: a base coat and topcoat add a thin protective layer that slows splitting and peeling on weak nails. Which brings us to the designs.

Ten apocalypse designs

Most of these need only a base color, a thin detail brush and a topcoat. A few use nail stamping plates, which transfer a printed pattern to your nail and make detailed designs possible without a steady hand.

1. Radiant Resistance. A sunset gradient in orange and pink, with tiny black silhouettes of gas masks or a broken city skyline painted along the tips.

2. Toxic Tips. A neon green or hazard yellow base, fading darker toward the tips, with a biohazard or radiation symbol on an accent nail.

3. Barbed Wire. A rusty brown base with a barbed wire pattern from a stamping plate. Add a small metal stud on one nail for texture.

4. Nomadic Neutrals. Beige, gray and taupe, each nail a tiny landscape: a dune, a road, a lone figure walking. Finish with a matte topcoat so it looks weathered.

5. Shattered Glass. A muted pastel base with fracture lines in black or silver. Iridescent glass-effect foil pressed into tacky polish makes this look far harder than it is.

6. Morse Code. A navy base with dots and dashes in white or silver, spelling a word only you and your people know. SOS is three dots, three dashes, three dots, if you want something everyone will understand.

7. Rebel Red. A bold red base with stenciled symbols of your choosing: a raised fist, a bird, the mark of your settlement.

8. Apocalypse Atlas. Earth tones with a map pattern from a stamping plate. Mark your home base on your ring finger with a tiny red dot.

9. Cyberpunk Circuitry. A gunmetal or silver base with circuit-board lines from a stamping plate and a few holographic foil accents.

10. Dystopian Dreamcatcher. Lavender or muted purple, with a hand-drawn web on one or two nails and a tiny charm like a key or lock set into the topcoat.

Make it a ritual

There is a real case for this beyond looks. Doing your nails is twenty quiet minutes of focused, ordinary work, which matters when everything else is chaos. It is also a social activity. Swapping colors and painting each other’s nails is the kind of small, shared normality that holds a group together.

Have you tried any of these? Post a photo of your apocalypse manicure in the comments, or tell us what design we should add to the list.

Apocalypse Hair: How to Keep Your Hair Clean, Practical and Stylish After the End

Hair is a classic trivial detail of the apocalypse. Movies show survivors with perfect windswept hair after months in the wasteland, which is a lie. Real hair at the end of the world gets greasy, tangled, matted, sunburned and, in crowded shelters, infested. Here is how to keep yours clean, practical and still a little bit stylish when salons are gone and water is precious.

Washing with almost no water

  • Wash less often. Most hair can go several days between washes, and scalps adjust to less frequent washing over a few weeks.
  • Use a cup, not a shower. Wet hair with a cup or two of water, lather a small amount of shampoo at the scalp, and rinse with another cup or two. Collect the rinse water for flushing toilets.
  • Dry shampoo works. Commercial dry shampoo absorbs oil at the roots. If you run out, cornstarch or arrowroot powder does the same job; brush it through and out.
  • Use a damp cloth. On truly dry days, wiping the scalp with a damp, soapy washcloth keeps things tolerable.

Styles that last

Braids are the classic survival hairstyle for good reason: they keep hair out of your face and out of machinery, reduce tangling, and stay neat for days. French braids and Dutch braids hold best under a hat or hood. Protective styles like cornrows and twists can last weeks with care.

Short hair is the most practical choice of all, which is why armies have favored it for centuries. It is easier to keep clean, dries faster and gives lice fewer places to hide.

Scarves and bandanas keep hair clean, protect your scalp from sunburn, and soak up sweat. They are also the easiest way to add a bit of personality to a wardrobe made of whatever you could find.

Cutting your own

Keep a pair of real hair-cutting scissors in your supplies, because kitchen scissors fray the ends. Cut hair when it is dry if it’s curly and slightly damp if it’s straight, take off less than you think, and let someone else do the back. Hand clippers that need no electricity exist and are worth having for anyone who keeps their hair short.

The lice problem

Nobody mentions this in the movies, but crowded living conditions spread head lice fast. Lice don’t carry disease, but the itching is miserable and scratching can lead to infected skin. A fine-toothed metal lice comb is cheap, lightweight and the most reliable tool against them, used carefully through wet, conditioned hair every few days. Avoid sharing hats, brushes and bedding when you can.

Why it matters

It is fair to ask whether hair matters at the end of the world. Survivors of long hardships often say that small grooming rituals helped them feel like themselves. Combing your hair or braiding a friend’s is a few minutes of normal life, and that is worth more than it sounds.

What’s your apocalypse hairstyle going to be? Tell us in the comments.

Can't Live Without [July '17]

Crayon Shin-chan

Starting the day with the news is horribly depressing. Instead, I watch cartoons. Specifically, this summer, I’ve been all about watching Shin-chan on Hulu.

When I get up and start my putzing about, I put on the Chromecast and stream Shin-chan.

Completely vulgar, inappropriate, and satirical, this show has it all. Ass dance? Got it. Joking about things that are no laughing matter? Yup. Parents regretting all their choices and just trying not to get sued? All day? Teachers, who only teach because it’s the job they happen to have? Check.

Crayon Shin-chan is a wonderfully cynical and sunny way to kick off the day. Continue reading “Can't Live Without [July '17]”

I'm 100% here for Debris (the video game)

Today I stumbled across a new game coming out in October called Debris by Moonray Studios.  This is an indie game that feels big but doesn’t feel like it’s trying too hard or doing too much.

Indie games come out every ten minutes.

However, quality indie games are diamonds in the rough. This game is looking pretty shiny. There are a vast amount of research and unique perspectives built in.

From the trailer alone the artwork, voice work, and quality are all top notch.

It’s a breath of fresh air[1. Pun completely intended] to come across a game like Debris. The developer, instead of creating something based on what they think people want, made a game based on what they know they’re good at.

Check out the trailer and press release below:

Continue reading “I'm 100% here for Debris (the video game)”

Can't Live Without [June '17]

One-Punch Man

I recently crawled out from under my very cozy rock and discovered One-Punch Man. Actually, I was researching Anime Inspired Workouts on YouTube when I found a clip from One-Punch Man and decided I needed more of that in my life.

Light-hearted violence and dark humor are some of my favorite adjectives.  They’re also perfect descriptors for One-Punch Man. I could go on and explain what One-Punch Man is about but it really is self-explanatory.

Normally, being the lazy, easily distracted, C-student that I am, I avoid subtitled anime. If I wanted to read, I’d fall asleep with a book on my chest. I haven’t been able to find One-Punch Man dubbed, only subbed and lo and behold this has not deterred me. I get amped up watching (and reading) One-Punch Man on the treadmill.

Hyperbole has a real way of hyping me up. Continue reading “Can't Live Without [June '17]”

Post-Apocalyptic Beauty Ideals

Maybe youll be pretty after the apocalypse…

It’s hard to say.

Society often defines beauty by what it finds important or aspirational at the time. Should women look serene because they don’t have to work hard, strong to evidence her ability to preserver, fertile indicating they can convive and bear children, or maybe like expensive acquisitions?

Today an attractive woman by general, societal standards is hardly the first person anyone would choose to be part of their post apocalyptic band of survivors. Shit, most of the women on magazine covers and starring in CW shows wouldn’t even make durable sex slaves for longer than a few days. It would be a waste of a raiding party to go out and grab some flimsy-ass women who’ll last less time than the hunt.

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Ruin is a thing of Post-Apocalyptic beauty.

Ruin is a short film – around 9 minutes – by Oddball Animation. A simple story set in a post apocalyptic world.

And it is BEAUTIFUL. Stunningly animated with wonderful music.

Seriously. Look.

 

Ruin

Wasn’t that lovely? That is how I like my post-apocalyptic worlds. Overgrown, crumbling and filled with remnants of old tech. Someone needs to give Oddball Animation a boatload of money to make a feature length thing. I would watch it, and so would you.

Quick Survival Tip: Keep a Hair Elastic Handy

Hair elastics are not just lady utilities.

These little buggers are true multitaskers if you give them the opportunity.

They are, after all, essentially upgraded rubber bands.

These things are fairly cheap and you can almost always find a use for them yourself or someone in need of using them.

One of the major points of survival preparation people often over look is being able to convince other people they not only shouldn’t kill you but should also find your continued existence necessary.

First of all, a hair elastic can do all the jobs of a rubber band and more.

Women are not keen on tying their  hair with the ladder but always seem to be in need of the former. Be a reliable, practical, mini-hero.

Other uses include but are not limited to:

  • A way to add grip to a handle (wrap securely around the handle a few times)
  • A tool for securing pants that are too big or too small (Too small: slip the elastic into the button hole, loop both sides over the button. Too big: slip the elastic through a belt loop then loop both sides of the elastic over the button [this is a messy look and should be avoided if possible])
  • A way to secure things (figure it out as needed)
  • A way to get someone’s attention (either quietly get the attention of a friend or divert a foe’s attention elsewhere. Also, if you’re on watch and worried about falling asleep, wear the elastic around your wrist and snap it every time you notice yourself drifting off.)

The list goes on.

Post-apocalyptic Fashion: What to Wear

It’s a tricky prospect. The world’s ended, but you still want to look good. The new existance demands a certain aesthetic, but it also demands practicality. And where on earth are you going to find your new clothes? Well, as in all things, I am here to help. Number One tip: Buy your survival clothes long before it becomes an issue. In this article, I do half the work for you. You just have to click the links and spend the money!

Continue reading “Post-apocalyptic Fashion: What to Wear”

Post-apocalyptic beauty tips

With Tavia being concerned about where to get her hair done, and me being the vainest creature on two legs, this is a genuine concern for me.  And people look strangely at you when you admit that, when you tell them that among the normal concerns about post-apocalyptic living you are also worried about how to keep your skin from shrinking in on itself like a moldy apple.

Looking like this- not ideal

So I’ve put a lot of thought into this- usually while lounging in a hot bath and applying one of a dozen quirkily named expensive products to myself. And I have decided that after initial concerns have passed that the first thing I’m going to do is raid the beauty section of the department store.

But what about when that stuff’s gone? What will I do? I will make my own cosmetics, with readily available ingredients.

Continue reading “Post-apocalyptic beauty tips”