Category: Preparedness

5 Tips for (neurotic) Survival On a Boat

Posted on by tavia.

Last week I spent seven days on a boat and couldn’t stop thinking about the derelict barges in Orchid. Sure I was on a cruise to Bermuda and I drank a lot of Bud Lite Limes and mudslides and piña colada, but I was ever vigilant.

I’m not sure if I’d want to spend generations on a ship.

No, I’m sure, I would not want it.

See in Orchid there were Rape Gangs on the barges. And Cannibals. And the fun goes on. But the best part? You’re better off on the boat!

There were days where we couldn’t see land in any direction. What a frightening, tiny feeling.

Have you seen Prometheus? If no, do that and you’ll understand my unease.

Even though it was a vacation and a choice, I couldn’t help but see it as being stranded, trapped on a boat. I read the safety guides and noted the locations of life boats. And then I lost my glasses. Oh god, being on vacation and in a semi-scary location without the luxury of being able to see everything clearly is nerve wracking.

5 ways to make a week on a boat (cruise ship) easier on the mind:

1. A compass

A plain ole magnetic compass. the most disquieting thing about being on a cruise is that at some point you can’t see land in any direction, you have no cell signal, and you’re just trapped on a floating hotel with a bunch of drunks and geriatrics.

There’s something reassuring about the basics of a compass. It can be trusted. So, if at some point you get that tiny feeling and need to remind yourself which direction land is in, check your standard, no nonsense, no charging necessary compass and rest assured you’ll be back on dry land some day as long as you know where to find it.

2. Extended wear contact lenses

Not worrying about where your glasses are or if your expensive prescription sunglasses will fall off your face will save you a lot of time and woe. If you’re worried about needing to grab your stuff and go in a hurry or bob about in the water, you might want to invest in some contacts.

Keeping in mind that a bathroom on boat, even a cruise ship, is fairly small and hard to maneuver in, it makes sense to invest in some extended wear lenses for the week of the trip.

I’m not a eye doctor/care professional/ or anyone who knows the ins and out of eyeballs and vision. Check with your eye doctor and see if you can get some.

Even if you aren’t a contacts person I suggest it. I had a trial pair just for the day of my wedding and it was a great idea. I’m to chaotic to have them all the time but for one day (or one week) it worked for me.

Also, there are a lot of promotions intended for people who regularly wear contacts to wear try this brand or that and you could end up seeing clearly for free!

3. Knowing how to swim or how to admit you can’t

I’m not a strong swimmer. Actually, I’m really good at not drowning. Some might blame it on my blackness, others on my lack of coordination. Either way, I let people know. If you think I’m drowning, I very well might be, check in often. It’s okay to admit your weaknesses but more important to be able to compensate for them.

If there are life vests to be had, I find them and try them on or wear them if it’s suggested[1. Not at the beach like a tool bag].

I should just learn to swim but…

4. Bring some non-perishable food and your own water

Oh dear god the amount of food on a cruise is staggering. Upon my return I was excited to hear my stomach growling. The cruise line goes to great lengths to ensure the highest standards of food preparation on-board the ship, but what if…

Also, what if, what if the apocalypse hits or an EMP takes out your electronics when aliens send their first wave?

Whatever the case, you’ll want to be able to have a few options for food you know you can eat and you know won’t go bad and water you know is clean and free of alien microbes/parasites/hallucinogenics.

5. Pay attention to the safety guidelines

When the titanic hit that iceberg everyone ran for their lives. Well, on a ship, there’s only so far you can run until you have to try a new strategy. Fortunately for you, all the right moves have been outlined and diagrammed with pictures and the people working on the ship are required to be more that happy to explain them to you.

Unlike in the past, when poor people didn’t deserve to live, cruise ships today must have enough life-saving bells and bobs for every single person on-board and they’re required to make a honest and thoughtful effort to educate you on that life-saving what-have-you.

Some people will choose not to listen because they’d rather sun bathe by the pool. That’s  cool, you can die confused and sunburned while I climb into this life boat wearing my safety vest.

Stress: It'll kill ya.

Posted on by anninyn

Stress. Our bodies natural response to emotional experiences. Stress can be good or bad, but most people agree that when the bodies natural fight-or-flight response is prevented, it can cause some problems – including but not limited to: headaches, heart attacks, strokes, IBS, stomach ulcers and over-eating. It’s important to remember that the Human Being is still an animal – a clever, emotional, complex animal yes, but most of our responses are still rooted in the animal.

You’d think that post apocalypse this animal reaction to stress would be great, right? Fight or flight? You’re going to be doing that a lot, and surely the nasty sides of stress won’t be such an issue any more.

Well, read on, my minions. Read on.

The problem with that theory is that while we are still animals, we are also still thinking human beings. Stress and trauma can be longer lasting for us, for a start. Even if the horrific expereinces don’t seem to have made a mark on your friend yet, that’s no guarantee they won’t be curled up, catatonic, in the fetal position in the next hour, week, month, year or decade. Add our huge, complex brains to the post-apocalyptic stress equation, and you have some serious problems.

And obviously, those more immediate problems come to mind – such as the heart attacks and strokes – after all, if one of your top fighters suddenly conks out in training, you’ve lost a great resource as well as a much loved member of your team. But it’s the more subtle stress problems that could be tearing your group apart from the inside. Thing like:

 

Emotional instability: which could lead to infighting, irrational thinking and even murders or suicides

Lack of sleep: Which could lead to guard missing something vital

‘Foggy thinking’ : which could lead to injury or death of the suffererand any people relying on them.

 

So, what it there to do? After all, you’re going to be extrememly lucky to have a trained therapist in your team, and the other options to deal with stress (yoga, healthy diets, etc) are going to be seriously premium.

Well, I suggest violence. Allow the stressed people to BEAT things and drink too much. It worked for the middle ages – and it’s not as if they were a time period where whole continents were ripped apart by civil and religious war while battling city states slaughtered men, women, and children… oh.

 

Well, just do the best you can.

 

Nothing is useless (except learning Klingon)

Posted on by anninyn

Studying a humanities degree adds almost nothing to your post apocalyptic survival chances.

An appreciation of poetry, understanding dissent in terms of music or achitecture, or plans to take it into English later on, do absolutely nothing to defend you against psychotic robots. Also not great, is the way that studying as an adult student takes away time and resources from obsessive planning. £700 of money that could have gone to buying a gasmask and filters spent on furthering my education! 15 hours a week that could be spent on practicing how to get out of the house quick gone on learning about Pugin!

However, I am a big believer that nearly ANYTHING can be manipulated into working for you post apocalypse (yes, even you, you socially-awkward, self-righteous neckbeard; post apocalypse you may actually be as important as you pretend you are!)

It’s just knowing how to swing it.

Continue reading “Nothing is useless (except learning Klingon)”

Post-apocalyptic communications

Posted on by char

I’ve been having Internet problems lately. Basically, my router is rebelling and refuses to connect me to my addiction the interwebs. (The robot uprising, it is starting. Maybe.)

All of this lovely yelling at my router (in child-friendly terms, which means that my router is usually a fudge-y piece of spaghetti, occasionally the son of a blimp, and sometimes other equally ridiculous things) had me thinking about communications in the post apocalypse.

Because, you know, I depend on the Internet for communication. I mean, without the Internet, I never would’ve become friends with two women I’ve never met and have never even spoken to. And if THAT hadn’t happened, believe me when I say that the world would be a less entertaining place.

Continue reading “Post-apocalyptic communications”

POTENTIAL APOCALYPSE ALERT.

Posted on by anninyn

I come out of my self-imposed exile (caused by the fact that studying a degree, writing a book and looking for a job all take a shocking amount of time) to tell you about THIS.

A naked man has been shot dead after attempting to chew a homeless mans face off in Miami.

Now, I’m not trying to say this is the start of a Zombie Apocalypse, but… this is the start of a Zombie Apocalypse.

Continue reading “POTENTIAL APOCALYPSE ALERT.”

Ask all the questions, avoid all the chaos

Posted on by tavia.

Chaotic situations are rooted in no one knowing the answers they need to to stay calm, stand still, and think about basic shit like being quite while decisions are made. To survive after the apocalypse you’ll need to limit your social chaos. How? By asking the right questions —and then having the answers and making people listen.

I’m not typically one for too much pre-planning or excessive deliberation–I’ll take as long as you give me to think about something but then end up making a spur of the moment decision anyway. However, even I realize that the simple exercise of developing a problem solving mindset that includes quickly asking the right questions and processing their answers can drastically affect the survivability of a situation.

The most basic question is usually, “What are we doing?!” or “What’s happening?!” These are valid questions that having answers to would help clam the situation down.

People might shout out other things like, “We NEED to hide!” That’s a suggestion, and a damn good one, recognize it.

Someone else might say, “We’re all gonna Diiiiie!” That’s not helpful. Shut them down quickly and with authority. They don’t deserve to talk.

With almost all situations there’s an easy way to bring order to chaos: QUESTIONS.

Continue reading “Ask all the questions, avoid all the chaos”

Canada prepares for the zombie apocalypse

Posted on by char

Well, okay, the province of British Columbia is preparing for the zombie apocalypse. They’ve taken a page from the CDC’s book and have set up Zombie Preparedness Week. You know, so the citizens of B.C. can be good and ready for the zombie apocalypse. Also other disasters, like floods, earthquakes, and fires. But mostly zombies.

And just in case you’re wondering if the preparedness plan works, check out the post-zombie attack survivor’s blog here. Obviously this person isn’t from the lower mainland, because according to this map, Vancouver is toast.

I gotta admit, this is pretty cool. Now, if only Alberta would do something like this…

And for your viewing pleasure (because I’m nice like that), check out the video that Emergency Info B.C. put together. Be ye warned: it sounds like someone held Stephen Hawking at gunpoint to record this thing. And made him inhale some helium along the way.

 

Lazy Survival

Posted on by tavia.

Hi,

I’m writing this from my couch. My couch is where I sit when I get home from work. Work is where I sit all day and do tasks via conversation or computer between trolling the internet for comics and accessories and taking coffee brakes.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I live a lazy life. I can exercise, but I don’t really — I only run to a) find out what’s happening in Zombies, Run! or b) because I feel guilty and worry about atrophy.

Being the lazy loaf that I am does not mean I’ll die in the apocalypse. On the contrary, I means I’m more likely to be in my home safe from harm because I don’t go out much and then die after the apocalypse because I don’t know how to care for myself and can’t run up stairs.

However, today I realized something: You don’t need to die because you’re too lazy to run for your life, you just need to know what the alternative is to both running AND dying. (It’s hiding.)

I’ve come up with some strategies that can help you in your lazy or cowardice survial efforts. Continue reading “Lazy Survival”

House hunting for the apocalypse

Posted on by char

So it’s no secret that I’m STILL in the middle of a move (omigod this move never ends). Mr. Char and I are in the middle of trying to buy a house, which is a fun process in and of itself (and not stressful AT ALL /sarcasm). Granted, we have the greatest realtor in the history of realtors, and I know this because she puts up with me and my Type A obsessiveness without threatening to a) fire me as a client or b) stab me in the eye with an unsharpened HB pencil. (It’s a well-known fact that I’m a dorky oddball; it’s also a well-known fact that I tend to annoy people without really trying.) (Her name is Crystal, she’s with Remax, and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND her.)

However, the point of this post is not to wax poetic about my realtor, even though she is full of Teh Awesomesauce™. The point is, after looking at over a hundred houses and visiting around thirty, Mr. Char and I obviously know what we want in a house. There are certain things we look for (and our realtor will tell us which houses fit our style before we even go for showings, which is rather nice of her). Some of those things tend to be a good-size kitchen, 3 bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms, attached garage…you know, that sort of thing.

Sadly, none of those things will help me come the apocalypse.

Continue reading “House hunting for the apocalypse”