Author: tavia.

5 Tips for (neurotic) Survival On a Boat

Posted on by tavia.

Last week I spent seven days on a boat and couldn’t stop thinking about the derelict barges in Orchid. Sure I was on a cruise to Bermuda and I drank a lot of Bud Lite Limes and mudslides and piña colada, but I was ever vigilant.

I’m not sure if I’d want to spend generations on a ship.

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No, I’m sure, I would not want it.

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See in Orchid there were Rape Gangs on the barges. And Cannibals. And the fun goes on. But the best part? You’re better off on the boat!

There were days where we couldn’t see land in any direction. What a frightening, tiny feeling.

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Have you seen Prometheus? If no, do that and you’ll understand my unease.

Even though it was a vacation and a choice, I couldn’t help but see it as being stranded, trapped on a boat. I read the safety guides and noted the locations of life boats. And then I lost my glasses. Oh god, being on vacation and in a semi-scary location without the luxury of being able to see everything clearly is nerve wracking.

5 ways to make a week on a boat (cruise ship) easier on the mind:

1. A compass

A plain ole magnetic compass. the most disquieting thing about being on a cruise is that at some point you can’t see land in any direction, you have no cell signal, and you’re just trapped on a floating hotel with a bunch of drunks and geriatrics.

There’s something reassuring about the basics of a compass. It can be trusted. So, if at some point you get that tiny feeling and need to remind yourself which direction land is in, check your standard, no nonsense, no charging necessary compass and rest assured you’ll be back on dry land some day as long as you know where to find it.

2. Extended wear contact lenses

Not worrying about where your glasses are or if your expensive prescription sunglasses will fall off your face will save you a lot of time and woe. If you’re worried about needing to grab your stuff and go in a hurry or bob about in the water, you might want to invest in some contacts.

Keeping in mind that a bathroom on boat, even a cruise ship, is fairly small and hard to maneuver in, it makes sense to invest in some extended wear lenses for the week of the trip.

I’m not a eye doctor/care professional/ or anyone who knows the ins and out of eyeballs and vision. Check with your eye doctor and see if you can get some.

Even if you aren’t a contacts person I suggest it. I had a trial pair just for the day of my wedding and it was a great idea. I’m to chaotic to have them all the time but for one day (or one week) it worked for me.

Also, there are a lot of promotions intended for people who regularly wear contacts to wear try this brand or that and you could end up seeing clearly for free!

3. Knowing how to swim or how to admit you can’t

I’m not a strong swimmer. Actually, I’m really good at not drowning. Some might blame it on my blackness, others on my lack of coordination. Either way, I let people know. If you think I’m drowning, I very well might be, check in often. It’s okay to admit your weaknesses but more important to be able to compensate for them.

If there are life vests to be had, I find them and try them on or wear them if it’s suggested[1. Not at the beach like a tool bag].

I should just learn to swim but…

4. Bring some non-perishable food and your own water

Oh dear god the amount of food on a cruise is staggering. Upon my return I was excited to hear my stomach growling. The cruise line goes to great lengths to ensure the highest standards of food preparation on-board the ship, but what if…

Also, what if, what if the apocalypse hits or an EMP takes out your electronics when aliens send their first wave?

Whatever the case, you’ll want to be able to have a few options for food you know you can eat and you know won’t go bad and water you know is clean and free of alien microbes/parasites/hallucinogenics.

5. Pay attention to the safety guidelines

When the titanic hit that iceberg everyone ran for their lives. Well, on a ship, there’s only so far you can run until you have to try a new strategy. Fortunately for you, all the right moves have been outlined and diagrammed with pictures and the people working on the ship are required to be more that happy to explain them to you.

Unlike in the past, when poor people didn’t deserve to live, cruise ships today must have enough life-saving bells and bobs for every single person on-board and they’re required to make a honest and thoughtful effort to educate you on that life-saving what-have-you.

Some people will choose not to listen because they’d rather sun bathe by the pool. That’s  cool, you can die confused and sunburned while I climb into this life boat wearing my safety vest.

Apocalyptic Shoe Fetish: Hot Topic

Posted on by tavia.

Recently I’ve been feeling some shoe lust. I want all the shoes all the time, especially if they’re boots that could be perfect for the apocalypse. Then I got the Hot Topic e-news (I can’t hear you laughing at me over the sound of my husband laughing at me) and it was filled with boots and studded heels of every make and model. Squee! Continue reading “Apocalyptic Shoe Fetish: Hot Topic”

Review: Orchid Volume 1 (Dark Horse)

Posted on by tavia.

When I first heard about Orchid (blurb and facts are down below), the brain child of Rage Against The Machine‘s Tom Morello, I had low expectations. Admittedly, I thought he was already skilled in one area, music, what were the chances he would be skilled in another completely unrelated one, comics.

I’d read interviews and press releases that made me think Orchid would be a heavy-handed political and social diatribe vilifying politicians and the rich and babying the rest of us, barely held together with pictures– pretty much a Chick Tract for social revolution.

When I finally got my hands and eyes on Orchid Volume 1[1. A copy of this title was provided for review by Dark Horse Comics.] I found myself wrapped up in a fast-paced action-adventure starring the quirky and blindly optimistic nerd, Simon, and the surly whore, Orchid, with nothing and everything to lose.

Volume one, covering issues 1-5, is a proper set up of the characters and why we should care about them. This post-apocalyptic world is vast, feeling vaster than the current world at times.

The first couple issues start with historical exposition set over elaborate, intricate scenes. I was reading on my kindle fire and often found myself zooming in to see what all was going on. Tom Morello (writer) and Scott Hepburn (artist) brought this somewhat over done setting new life. From fascinating creatures roaming the wild to the concept of people spending generations on “the derelict barges,” it all felt fresh and exciting.

But once the characters took center-stage it was hard to notice much else– though the art stays well done throughout– with the snappy dialogue and constant progress.

Orchid, Simon, and The Mask (this is an actual, literal mask but with so much legend and power it is pretty much a character in its own right) face more than their fair share of foes and near misses. At some points the adventuring hits a lull and I realized this is seriously heavy, seriously sad, and just generally serious.

That’s one of the greatest things about Orchid; it takes the path of children’s stories and parables, the lesson and the story work so well together that I didn’t realize I was being taught.

I was attached to the story and the characters and the world as not only a fantastic place but also the home of these people who deserved better. Before I knew it, after experiencing their world, watching their struggles, triumphs, and failures, and even getting a glimpse at the antagonists, I’d joined their revolution.

Almost every character — the exception being some villains who do seem to be more symbolic power hoarders than individuals– is fleshed out with a back story, from being a simple bridge folk whore to a nerd who wouldn’t be so out of place elsewhere where he was a slave specially trained because of his aptitude[2. I thought Simon was a time traveler when he was first introduced, until his manner of being was explained away sufficiently enough to re-suspend my disbelief].

You’ll be hard pressed to read Orchid and not to be moved or inspired on some level. Maybe simply by Simon’s unwavering courage and idealism, maybe by Orchid as a strong woman, or even by one of the “villains[3. Issue #5 SPOILER: I’m not willing to call Don Barrabas an actual villain so much as a survivor/victim/pawn who aligned with a man, Tomo Wolfe, willing to do right by him to accomplish much greater wrongs.]” who was somewhat of an ugly duckling (if the ugly duckling turned out to be a duck hunter-chef).

Sure, you might not feel you’re now expertly educated about class warfare or moved to “damn the man, save the empire.” But I can definitely say through Tom Morello telling Orchid’s story I felt heard, and seen, and important as a woman, and a person of color, and a nobody with no power or clout. Generally, as a person with things that can be or have been used to marginalize me. In Orchid, all those things that they use against us were the building blocks to make powerful characters, powerful ideas.

At the end of most comics the writer includes a short essay about their thoughts on the work. While I don’t really I care about nearly any issues, including class, in the real world, the passion Tom Morello shows for this project and this message is the kind of passion that can only create great things.

I’ve always been drawn to epic tales. Beowulf, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars. But for me, there was always something missing. I could never entirely get behind the goal. “C’mon, subjects! Let’s get the king back on the throne!” Or “To arms, vassals! Let’s return the princess to glory!” In my book, kings and princesses are the bad guys. But what was really missing from these epic tales was the unspoken but ever present dirty five-letter word: CLASS. Who rules and why? Who has a lot and who has nothing? And why the hell doesn’t somebody do something about it?! In Orchid the cool monsters, the narrow escapes, and epic battles are front and center, but somebody finally does something about the remorseless inequality that mirrors our own world. And that somebody is Orchid.

Orchid is successful as something new and different, something intriguing and engaging, and something worth reading.

I’d stand up to The Hangman for it.

[rating:5/5]

 

The facts about Orchid Volume 1 direct from Dark Horse:

When the seas rose, genetic codes were smashed. Human settlements are ringed by a dense wilderness from which ferocious new animal species prey on the helpless. The high ground belongs to the rich and powerful that overlook swampland shantytowns from their fortress-like cities. Iron-fisted rule ensures order and allows the wealthy to harvest the poor as slaves.

Delve into the first chapter of Orchid, the tale of a teenage prostitute who learns that she is more than the role society has imposed upon her.

CREATORS

Writer: Tom Morello
Artist: Scott Hepburn
Colorist: Dan Jackson
Cover Artist: Massimo Carnevale

Genre: Action/Adventure

Publication Date: July 11, 2012
Format: FC, 112 pages; TP, 7″ x 10″
Price: $17.99
Age range: 14
ISBN-10: 1-59582-965-2
ISBN-13: 978-1-59582-965-8

 

5 Apocalyptic Lessons From Halo: Reach

Posted on by tavia.

Halo: Reach, the final installment-prequel in the Halo series by Bungie, chronicled the initial invasion and downfall of the human race on the planet Reach to the Covenant.

The planet Reach is humanity’s last line of defense between the encroaching Covenant and their ultimate goal, the destruction of Earth. If it falls, humanity will be pushed to the brink of destruction.

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Known for it’s fairly short campaign mode and extensive multiplayer offerings, Halo: Reach is a perfect way to learn a few apocalypse life lessons. Continue reading “5 Apocalyptic Lessons From Halo: Reach”

Dead Island – Game of the Year Edition

Posted on by tavia.

Dead Island GOTYE X360Deep Silver must be proud of Dead Island. Why? Because they’re giving it a fully loaded Game of the Year Edition. Sure that doesn’t actually mean it’s won or even been nominated for anything but it’s nice to be recognized—even if it is by yourself.

Dead Island – Game of the Year Edition isn’t really, for recognition or even for Deep Silver, it’s for us. Well I own the game already. It’s for those of you who don’t already own Dead Island and weren’t really to ready to commit.

See in a Game of the Year Edition you often, including this time, get all the DLC that first round buyers paid extra for. Lucky you, loser me.

Patience is a virtue in many an apocalypse. So, if you didn’t run to the store and throw money at the clerks like you were stocking up for some lean times in your fall out shelter, you can sit back and get the game with the following perks (also, GOTY editions are usually cheaper than initial releases):

Dead Island has already grown a huge fan base, having sold way over 3 million copies worldwide. This new edition gives players who are yet to experience the mega hit Dead Island a version packed with content: including the “Bloodbath Arena” mode, the “Ryder White” story line and the weapon blueprint for “The Ripper”. This complete Dead Island package includes all the gripping extra content that was previously only available digitally.

“Ryder White”:
This story line offers a new unique perspective into the incidents in the main story of Dead Island: This time the player will get the chance to play as Ryder White, the antagonist of the main game; learn more about his motivations and why, from his point of view, he did what he had to do. This fresh take on the Dead Island story shows Ryder White both as a military man and a loving husband. The story stars Ryder White as a newly playable character and offers a single player campaign with several hours of story content with twists and turns that will shed new light on the happenings in the main game. Two blueprints and weapons will further expand the already impressive arsenal of Dead Island.

“Bloodbath Arena”:
In “Bloodbath Arena” four different arenas offer new challenges that can be played alone or in coop mode. It’s a desperate fight for survival where waves after waves of unrelenting zombies attack, one more gruesome than the next! In “Bloodbath Arena” characters can loot experience points and items and bring them over to the campaign mode. Players can show off their skills in zombie fighting with the newly implemented leaderboards.

“Dead Island – Game of the Year Edition” will be released on June 26, 2012 in the USA and Canada and on July 06, 2012 in European countries for the PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system, the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft and Windows PC.

Source: Deep Silver press release – Tuesday 22nd May 2012

Dead Island – Game of the Year Edition

Posted on by tavia.

Dead Island GOTYE X360Deep Silver must be proud of Dead Island. Why? Because they’re giving it a fully loaded Game of the Year Edition. Sure that doesn’t actually mean it’s won or even been nominated for anything but it’s nice to be recognized—even if it is by yourself.

Dead Island – Game of the Year Edition isn’t really, for recognition or even for Deep Silver, it’s for us. Well I own the game already. It’s for those of you who don’t already own Dead Island and weren’t really to ready to commit.

See in a Game of the Year Edition you often, including this time, get all the DLC that first round buyers paid extra for. Lucky you, loser me.

Patience is a virtue in many an apocalypse. So, if you didn’t run to the store and throw money at the clerks like you were stocking up for some lean times in your fall out shelter, you can sit back and get the game with the following perks (also, GOTY editions are usually cheaper than initial releases):

Dead Island has already grown a huge fan base, having sold way over 3 million copies worldwide. This new edition gives players who are yet to experience the mega hit Dead Island a version packed with content: including the “Bloodbath Arena” mode, the “Ryder White” story line and the weapon blueprint for “The Ripper”. This complete Dead Island package includes all the gripping extra content that was previously only available digitally.

“Ryder White”:
This story line offers a new unique perspective into the incidents in the main story of Dead Island: This time the player will get the chance to play as Ryder White, the antagonist of the main game; learn more about his motivations and why, from his point of view, he did what he had to do. This fresh take on the Dead Island story shows Ryder White both as a military man and a loving husband. The story stars Ryder White as a newly playable character and offers a single player campaign with several hours of story content with twists and turns that will shed new light on the happenings in the main game. Two blueprints and weapons will further expand the already impressive arsenal of Dead Island.

“Bloodbath Arena”:
In “Bloodbath Arena” four different arenas offer new challenges that can be played alone or in coop mode. It’s a desperate fight for survival where waves after waves of unrelenting zombies attack, one more gruesome than the next! In “Bloodbath Arena” characters can loot experience points and items and bring them over to the campaign mode. Players can show off their skills in zombie fighting with the newly implemented leaderboards.

“Dead Island – Game of the Year Edition” will be released on June 26, 2012 in the USA and Canada and on July 06, 2012 in European countries for the PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system, the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft and Windows PC.

Source: Deep Silver press release – Tuesday 22nd May 2012

Your Guide to Vampires That Don't Swoon

Posted on by tavia.

Dark Horse wants us to remember what made vampires scary in the first place. They’re monsters that feed on humans… mostly that’s why they should be scary. But for a long time we’ve been fed the drivel that vampires are chisel-jawed, deep feeling, hopeless romantics.

We’ve mentioned before that a supernatural apocalypse staring vampires would probably suck hard. It would not be epic high school love and sexy accents fighting over local nobodies. It would be scary and bloody as fuck until it turned into Daybreakers.

Dark Horse is here to remind us to hie our kids, hide our wives, and our husbands because vampires are raping killing everybody! They’ve compiled a free handy digital sampler comic showcasing the best of their vampire line up.

Some of them you’ve heard of, some probably not. It’s free. Try it, you might find something you like. Or you might learn something.

If you’ve got a taste for bloodsuckers, then look no further! Dark Horse does vampires right and gives readers who crave creatures of the night a crypt full of creepy comics!

Step into the world of Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 9, as everyone’s favorite Slayer adapts to her new life in San Francisco. Then check out Angel & Faith, where the vampire with a soul and the once-evil Slayer work to atone for past sins.

This preview issue also features Mike Mignola and Christopher Golden’s Baltimore, which follows a vampire hunter living in a world beset by a post–World War I vampire infestation; samples from P. C. and Kristin Cast’s story of a vampyre boarding school in House of Night; and Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan’s The Strain, in which Manhattan suffers from a vampiric plague!

• Issue features selections from Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 9 #1,Angel & Faith #1, Baltimore: The Curse Bells #1, The Strain #1, and House of Night #1. Plus, the entirety of a short story entitled “Magical Mystery Tour Featuring the Beetles,” a previously unreleased, digital-only retailer exclusive from Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 9.

They’ve also provided an infographic. I’m always down for an inforgraphic:

First Impressions: The War of the Worlds (XBLA)

Posted on by tavia.

[wpspoiler name=”First Impressions vs. Reviews” ]First Impressions are based on demos while Reviews are based on entire games.[/wpspoiler]

Unfortunately (and fortunately because it means I’m driving less), I haven’t had time to listen to any audiobooks lately. That is until recently when I discovered The War of the Worlds video game narrated by Patrick Stewart.

I’m a science fiction junkie. I didn’t  get to be the creator of a website about surviving the apocalypse and fangirling about apocalyptic culture and entertainment without some serious scifi hours logged. Everyone has their preference, be it movies, TV series, books, or games. Personally, I indulge in all of the above but have always had a soft spot in my heart for audiobooks. A well written story read well can immerse me in an author’s world in a wonderfully unique way.

The War of the Worlds developed by Other Ocean for Paramount Pictures was a refreshing re-immersion into the world or audiobooks via interactive gaming. Sometimes I rummage through the Xbox Live Arcade games hoping to find something everyone forgot to tell me about. Well no one told me there was a War of the World game.

The game features narration by Patrick Stewart based on the 1953 film adaptation of H.G. Wells’ original story.

Check out the launch trailer from Paramount (also the makers of the 1953 film).

Published by

Paramount Digital Entertainment

Platforms

Xbox Live

Rating

ESRB Rating: E10+ – Fantasy Violence

Summary

The War of the Worlds is a dark and breathtaking new vision of the classic H.G. Wells novel, retold as a single player side-scrolling action-adventure, narrated by the acclaimed and distinguished actor, Patrick Stewart. Set in London, the gameplay narrative parallels the timeline and events from the 1953 movie adaptation, but introduces a new story arc, characters, locations, and sub-plots. With gameplay paying homage to classic cinematic platformers such as Flashback, Out of This World andPrince of Persia, the game follows the exploits of an unknown everyman struggling to escape the Martian invasion of London and rescue his family. Forced to think through insurmountable odds, players will outsmart an army of alien tripods, spiders and drones as they make their way through a landscape of total devastation.

The War of the Worlds Pros:

1. The game is simple and the controls are easy to figure out. So, even though there’s no tutorial it’s not a steep learning cuve.

2. PATRICK STEWART IS READING ME A STORY! That man was made to read me words. <3

3. Artsy fartsy. This game is like an interactive story and art museum all in one. Every level is a beautiful scene that has details too beautiful not to be explored.

The War of the Worlds Cons:

1. The lack of tutorial is also kind of a downside because for a while I had no idea what was going on.

2. The game is set really far out so you play as this tiny person in this huge environment with can be a little disorienting or detached.

3. You can’t die-die but I died (and came back) a lot because there’s a lot of poke it and see what it does which doesn’t make sense in the story because you’d be dead.

Overall, what I think of The War of the Worlds:

I don’t know if it was fun so much as worth spending time with. Similar to books not really being fun so much as engaging the game is just well done. While, of course, Patrick Stewart knocks it out of the park but that’s then paired with great artwork and smooth gameplay.

For just 800 Microsoft Points, I’m in it ’til the war is won.

Review: Zombie Granny (Android)

Posted on by tavia.

Zombie Granny is not a game to just download and play on a whim. Sure it’s readily available and free[1. Our favorite Price] but it’s also missing a shit ton of images that take like eight years to download. My actual grandma’s make shit happen faster and Ms. Pearl was legally blind and thought my computer was damn near magical.

I found if I don’t let the device snooze and keep touching the phone it update more quickly… good start.

Yay! It finally finished.

My first impression is that it’s kind of a lot like Cut The Rope, but instead of trying to feed the frog candy you’re trying to kill the Zombie Granny with a fireball. Then, a few levels in, I thought it’s kind of like Angry Birds.

So, Zombie Granny is kind of like Cut the Rope and Angry Birds had a baby and it had a sick morbid sense of humor.

The gameplay is fairly simple and easy to get accustomed to, especially since the first few levels are tutorial levels. There’s a fireball attached to a rope and you cut the rope and drop the fireball on the unsuspecting zombie granny below.

While the gameplay is straightforward the concept kind of bothers me. Where’s my motivation? This poor old lady is just standing about, not even trying to munch on my brains and I just murder her like it a terrorist.

Next weird conceptual thing? Why are there fireballs just suspended from here and there? This isn’t even like a Mario dungeon level where the fireball are swinging around like traps and trying to impede your progress. These are like decorations.

Morals and logic aside, this is after all just a mobile phone game, the graphics are great and it’s super cute and wonderfully simple. This is a fun little zombie game with just the right about of snark and morbid nonsense to keep you entertained on a long commute or wait in a lobby.

[rating:3.5/5]

I’d let Zombie Granny live– at least until the water got low or she started to stink up the place.

 

Ask all the questions, avoid all the chaos

Posted on by tavia.

Chaotic situations are rooted in no one knowing the answers they need to to stay calm, stand still, and think about basic shit like being quite while decisions are made. To survive after the apocalypse you’ll need to limit your social chaos. How? By asking the right questions —and then having the answers and making people listen.

I’m not typically one for too much pre-planning or excessive deliberation–I’ll take as long as you give me to think about something but then end up making a spur of the moment decision anyway. However, even I realize that the simple exercise of developing a problem solving mindset that includes quickly asking the right questions and processing their answers can drastically affect the survivability of a situation.

The most basic question is usually, “What are we doing?!” or “What’s happening?!” These are valid questions that having answers to would help clam the situation down.

People might shout out other things like, “We NEED to hide!” That’s a suggestion, and a damn good one, recognize it.

Someone else might say, “We’re all gonna Diiiiie!” That’s not helpful. Shut them down quickly and with authority. They don’t deserve to talk.

With almost all situations there’s an easy way to bring order to chaos: QUESTIONS.

Continue reading “Ask all the questions, avoid all the chaos”