Sometimes on TV or even in real life you’ll hear people say they could have won a fight if only the other person had only fought fair… Really? There’s some expectation that individuals tho digress from disagreement to heated, insult-riddled debate, to physical altercation will abide by some sort of code of ethics? A chick can throw her drink on you, but not the glass itself? A dude can punch you in the gut, but not in the balls?
If you punch me in the face, I’m not allowed to punch you in the dick because… Oh, wait, nope. If you punch me in the face, I’ma punch you in the dick and poke you in the eye and scratch you, and if there’s sand I’ll throw that too.
Mixed martial arts seems like the most violent and no-holds-barred physical competition ever to be considered a entertaining to non-pre-offenders. However, consider their laundry list of “fouls”:
As set out by the Association of Boxing Commissions:
- Holding or grabbing the fence
- Holding opponent’s shorts or gloves
- Butting with the head
- Eye gouging of any kind
- Biting or spitting at an opponent
- Hair pulling
- Fish hooking
- Groin attacks of any kind
- Intentionally placing a finger into any orifice, or into any cut or laceration of your opponent
- Downward pointing of elbow strikes (see Elbow strike)
- Small joint manipulation
- Strikes to the spine or back of the head (see Rabbit punch)
- Heel kicks to the kidney
- Throat strikes of any kind, including, without limitation, grabbing the trachea
- Clawing, pinching, twisting the flesh or grabbing the clavicle
- Kicking the head of a grounded opponent
- Kneeing the Head of a grounded opponent
- Stomping of a grounded fighter
- The use of abusive language in fighting area
- Any unsportsmanlike conduct that causes an injury to opponent
- Attacking an opponent on or during the break
- Attacking an opponent who is under the care of the referee
- Timidity (avoiding contact, or consistent dropping of mouthpiece, or faking an injury)
- Interference from a mixed martial artist’s seconds
- Throwing an opponent out of the ring or caged area
- Flagrant disregard of the referee’s instructions
- Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his or her head or neck (see Piledriver)
- Attacking an opponent after the bell has sounded the end of the period of unarmed combat
Sorry, but that’s pretty much a list of guidelines for me (and you, if you’re smart)– especially in the post-apocalypse. If someone means me physical harm, i mean to debilitate them to the point where they’re unable to harm me physically. Maybe they’ll get up in a few hours and still want me damaged, but they’ll sure think twice about it. Or I’ll be so far away that it won’t matter.
Consider this: There’s no hospital, no lawyers, no police, and no door locks. What happens if you lose a fight?
Do you get to stay? Does your battered body get sold to slavers? Do you get “finished”?
Come the end of the world I’m fashioning myself some brass knuckles and practicing my elbow follow-through to add more power to my punches. Fair warning, stay back or stay down.