A clumsy girl's guide to surviving the apocalypse.

I have recently been talking a lot with fellow Apocalypse obsessive and friend of ICoS, Jess Shanahan. You may remember her from this guest post, and if you saw it, my guest post over at her blog. Anyway, Jess is very like me. We even live nearby, and as a result have started Apocalypse training (running) together.

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One major thing we have in common is this: we are very clumsy girls.

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I can fall over myself, if nothing else is there to trip me up. I have succesfully become injured after spending a whole day in ed in my pyjamas. I got out to go the the loo, wrapped myself in my sheets by accident, and nearly brained myself on the chest of drawers. It’s not normal clumsiness: It’s the type that gets you killed. I mentioned this to Jess, and she said that running outside was clearly a danger to us, as we’d get chased by murderers and trip on a tree root and die, and I thought two things. The first thought was thank FUCK someone else out there is as insane as I am; The second was- with this lethal level of clumsiness, how are we going to survive the apocalypse?

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It would be sods law if after all this preparation I died because I tripped over a shoelace.

So I’ve been researching (googling) and the main advice I’ve received is that I should start dance classes. Apparently, after the first few flailing weeks, dance can retrain the clumsy into- not grace and accuracy of movement- but at least into relative normality. The ability to walk to the shop without banging into a signpost would be nice.

However, according to my dear husband, my main problem isn’t clumsiness, it’s scattyness. He reckons I fall over and walk into things all the time because I live inside my own head so much. I’ll give him that, at least. I am a little- ditzy. Very imaginative, but the problem with that is that I find going from place to place so mind bogglingly dull that I slip into my own world. Not my own little world, note that, it’s MASSIVE in there. And all those trick paving slabs and icy patches and sign posts don’t exist in there.

Obviously, post apocalypse I won’t be able to do that any more. Mind you, the problem of surviving day to day will be so intellectually challenging that my rarely seen practical side might finally get a look in.

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And as I have yet to find any free and easy ways to retrain myself out of drifting into a fantasy world, I think I’ll leave myself to it for the time being.

Guess that just leaves humiliating myself at dance classes.

5 thoughts on “A clumsy girl's guide to surviving the apocalypse.

  1. You hope that your practical side will show through. You might find yourself running from the zombie horde only to trip over a severed leg. Then you get eaten.

    I don’t think being practical will help you. Running further, faster and harder will.

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