Gifts for the post-apocalypse

I’m not going to comment on the sanity (or lack thereof) of the Black Friday shopping madness, and I might be a relatively new resident of the U.S., but I think it’s pretty safe to say that the holiday shopping season has begun. (Typed as I sit at my computer, switching back and forth between this document and Amazon.com’s Cyber Monday Deals Week page. See? Even my Canadian self isn’t immune to the post-American Thanksgiving shopping hype.)

What does Black Friday have to do with the apocalypse? That is, aside from possibly causing the world to collapse in on itself under the weight of a million rioting shoppers, thus causing the apocalypse? Nothing really, other than the fact that it had me wondering what gift-giving will be like in the post apocalypse.

I’ve seen a few of the gift-giving guides that pop up this time of year, and I thought to myself, “Hmm…there should be one of those for the post-apocalypse survivor!” I mean, at some point in time people are going to start celebrating birthdays, apocalypse survival holidays, the rise of the dictator days, etc. etc. It’s best to be prepared with a list of gift-giving possibilities, right?

Of course, most of these items come from apocalypse survival gear lists, but seriously, they make great gifts, too. Sure, the average survivor will probably have most of these already, but things wear out and break. Other things get lost. Other things will get stolen. So when your favorite people need replacement survival items…it’s gift-giving time! (Of course, I highly suggest stocking up on these items now, while we still have time.)

Now, without further ado…

The Post-Apocalyptic Gift Guide

Gifts for Adults
Let’s start with adults, because they’re probably easier to find gifts for. I’ll tackle gifts for kids later.

Survival Gear: Because it’s a good gift for any occasion

Kevlar neck protection. Because you never know who’s going to go for your jugular. Or your aorta. Either way, it’s best to be prepared.

Multi-tool. A great gift for anyone in the post-apocalypse (or the pre-apocalypse, come to think of it). You don’t want to be weighed down with a dozen different tools–that’ll just slow you down, making you an easy target for all those baddies.

 

 

Water purifying tablets. Because it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

 

 

Dude, you’re living in the post apocalypse. Do I really need to explain this one?

 

 

Duct tape. For solving most of life’s problems.

 

Weapons: Because you can never have enough

 

Because crossbows are frakking cool. And they make good weapons.

 

 

English-style longbow. Probably a more practical weapon choice, since you can make it yourself…if you can find the materials.

 

 

Wood arrow. Because what good is your longbow if you don’t have anything to shoot from it?

 

 

Colt M4 airsoft rifle. Just for fun. Until we moved to the U.S., my husband was a card-carrying member of the local airsoft team. And even though they use BBs, these guns still pack a punch. (And yes, I know of which I speak. I used to be one of the team’s “embedded journalists.”)

 

Food: Because we all need it

 

Not the tastiest thing you’ll ever eat, but hey, it’s still food. (Yep, I’ve eaten these before. See above about airsoft. There weren’t any picnics on the field during a milsim.)

 

Other things: Because sometimes we need a good dose of “other”

 

This would be a good gift idea for before the apocalypse. Just sayin’.

 

 

This is, of course, by no means an exhaustive list of possibilities. It’s not meant to be. It’s just supposed to get your mental gears rolling. As I said, it’s best to start stocking up on these great gift ideas BEFORE the apocalypse actually happens. Because, you know, you can still get these items now. All bets are off after the world’s already exploded.

Next week: Gift ideas for the little ones.