Yesterday I went on a long walk with my husband, practicing for the apocalypse. We packed long-dated, easily eaten things and we hunted-gathered while we were there, picking up freshly fallen hazel nuts and eating them along the way.
The problem came on the way home.
I was so exhausted my eyes were closing of their on accord.
I could barely walk, although home was only 40 minutes away.
So we ruined the whole thing and stopped off for a pub lunch.
But there will be no pub lunches after the apocalypse. Pub lunches will not exist. So what can a lazy girl like me do?
Walking everywhere, going running. Getting myself so I can walk further, longer without getting tired.And then there’s food. Post apocalypse my diet can go hang- high energy foods become my friends again.
High fat, high carb = high energy levels.
But the most important thing, the simplest thing I can do is this: Stop being such a whiny little bitch. Post apocalypse will be hard. It’ll hurt. I will get tired. And I can’t just sit down, throw my arms up in the air and whine about how I don’t wanna.
I’m going to have to push this body of mine, force it to go past my self-imposed limits.
And so are you, by the way, so don’t think you get out of this.
We’d better start practicing.
Exhaustion’s only the whiny killer because one more comment about how tired you were and I was going to strangle you and feast on your flesh to replenish my energy reserves…
You’re so sweet.
It’s not your fault. It’s an understood rule that people need to prove their value and bitching and moaning is not a value-add. Now them lady parts, we can work with those. Also, this ruthless streak that crops up every now and again, might need that. She’d make a wonderful executioner/nanny.
Have no fear! While we would all of course need to stay in reasonable physical shape in post-apocalyptica (especially if, like me, that only ever conjures up images of zombies nowadays), I think you may have forgotten a vital thing: human ingenuity.
Given that we’ll be forced to gather in groups of useful people (as I believe you’ve stated in previous articles), there is no reason why we can’t still use tools for a lot of the work. Tools can be made from anything – wood, rocks, dried mud – and that’s without delving into the ever-controversial fast-growing and versatile hemp plant. We’ll always have access to the most basic tools, and with those basic tools we can always create something a little more complex, such as a wheeled box or board to ease travel fatigue.
Also, let’s not forget that walking all day in today’s world isn’t the same as after the apocalypse, and that your body pretty much always has reserves of strength and energy for emergencies.
The body will get used to the walking fairly quickly if done regularly– or you’ll be slow and get eaten and your shitty genes won’t get passed along.
I’m going for a run tonight and once again I will pretend I’m being chased by the undead. That will get me moving.
I do think you can train yourself for the apocalypse but there is always going to be so many other factors to take into consideration. You may be walking much greater distances than you’d ever bother to attempt now. Your body would very quickly get used to those distances and you are more likely to keep going when the other option is being eaten.
A! Don’t start slacking now! The hikers got released, that girl from Italy got released and came home, my sink is clean of dishes… you know we’re closer to the end of the world than ever!
I found you through Regretsy and I think I’m going to like this blog. I knew those damned zombies were coming.