Become a Post-Apocalyptic Success Story in Some Easy Steps

Want to get rich quick at the end of the world? Stock up on shit nobody needs. Seriously. After six months of roughing it and cowering in fear and smelling something foul every time you sit down or raise your arm,  you’d do just about anything for a hint of comfort.

The key is, people can and will do without most of the amenities they have access to in daily life. People don’t need delicious food but they travel, and search, and pay and wait just to get what might be delicious food. People don’t need most things, but they want so, so much stuff.

This is where you come in. Smart people pack what they need or what they can carry. They have rations, MREs, bottled water, antiseptic spray and the like.You, my entrepreneurial friend, you will have random shit nobody needs but everybody wants.

Some things you should stock up on:
  • Liquor
  • Candy (especially chocolate)
  • Condoms (with and without spermicide)
  • Birth Control (all sorts)
  • Sports bras (Yes, for boobs.)
  • Socks
  • Powdered milk
  • Kids cereals
  • Tea
  • Coffee
  • Deodorant, perfumes, soaps, candles
  • Battery-operated hair trimmer
  • Battery-operated games
  • Batteries
  • Solar chargers and rechargeable electronics
  • Makeup
  • Chapstick
  • Junk food (not actually as desirable as some people might have been living off this anyway)
  • Books (including magazines, graphic novels, romance novels, and educational tomes)
There’s more but that’s a good start…
How to set this business up:
  1. Invest in security. Ever seen a barman in a secluded outpost who didn’t have a gun behind the counter? You have what people want and not everyone is going to be willing to pay for it.
  2. Plan for preservation of the business model. Figure out and arrange for the longest term preservation of these goods. Also, it’s in your best interest to develop new products that will keep people coming back once the initial stock is depleted. Learn to brew beer, bake bread and, if your up north and near a maple tree, make candy.
  3. Market your business. Tell a few people who aren’t very good at keeping secrets about your business as though it’s a secret. Explain to them that you have a lot of stock and you’re willing to sell stuff, but you’re trying to keep a low profile. Every one of the one hundred people they tell will feel like they found a hidden gem no one else knows about. Find people who really want to be liked and aren’t tied to a group yet — But, not the kind of people who are likely to steal, get tortured or turn into bandit assholes.
Some other things to consider:
  • Location. You’ll need to be both secure and central. Easy to find but not an easy target
  • Price. Too high people will say, “Meh, we’ve done without it this far, we don’t want it that badly.” Nothing like the imbalance of trying to trade a candy bar and can of fruit for sex with someone’s eldest daughter to burn a sale. Too low and you’ll burn through your stock with little to show for it.
  • Staff. This isn’t the kind of endeavor you’ll want to do alone. You’ll pretty much need a gang of bandits or anti-heroes who stay put. That said, bandits and anti-heroes get restless when they stay put… Good luck with that.
It might work…


5 thoughts on “Become a Post-Apocalyptic Success Story in Some Easy Steps

  1. Good to know. I’ll start stockpiling. Instant should be that hard to keep for a while and it’s supposed to taste a bit shit anyhow. I’ll just lace all the coffee with some weed, which will be cheaper due to it not being illegal in the Post days.

  2. Word on the sports bras, but I’d expand it to include bras period. While everybody else is looting Sam’s Club, some smart business-y type should be heading for the nearest Macy’s/J.C.Penney’s/Lane Bryant to snag up some stock.

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